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Dead Solid Imperfect

The legendary and irascible World Golf Hall of Famer, Dan Jenkins, arguably better at golf writing than Tiger Woods ever was at golf, has more than a few semi-choice words for Woods in his just released book His Ownself: A Semi-Memoir.

A sample:

Of course, Hogan, Palmer and Nicklaus never set themselves up to become statues in Central Park.

They never pretended to be the All-American Daddy-Pop Father of the Year Who Also Wins Golf Tournaments.

They never sold themselves as the greatest Family Values brand ever, and conquered the marketplace with it, shamelessly scooping up hundreds of millions of dollars while saying, “My family will always come first.”

They were never what Tiger allowed himself to become from the start: spoiled, pampered, hidden, guarded, orchestrated and entitled.

Phew! And people thought Brandel Chamblee poked the proverbial bear … er … tiger.

More from Jenkins:

Never in my knowledge of history has any famous personality – in sports, show biz, or politics – ever fallen so far so fast. Tiger Woods is graveyard dead, as the Southern expression goes.

Life as Tiger has known it is over. His reputation is ruined, possibly forever. His name that once meant mastery over competitive golf invokes cringes, giggles and all the internet jokes you want to pass along.

Sure he can come back and even win again, if he mans up, but if he does, he will only be a hero to the ‘you-da-man’ and ‘get-in-the-hole’ crowd. And I can’t imagine him coming back as a ‘humbled man.’ That wouldn’t be the owner of a yacht insultingly named Privacy, the guy the press has slobbered over for these past 12 years.

A few words of warning for Tiger’s enablers: If you want to come after Jenkins on all of this, the way you came after Chamblee, do so at your own peril.

You probably don’t want to mess with Jenkins, a guy who also wrote this in his book:

As for Tiger’s brand, boy, did that take a hit.

For all the Tiger idolators out there, it must have been like finding out that ice cream sundaes give you gonorrhea.

Or maybe at some point all of this actually makes you feel sorry for Woods.

Jenkins vs. Tiger, after all, isn’t really a fair fight.



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