Standing in a Hawaiian sunset Sunday afternoon, a flower lei around his neck, a gold Sony Open in Hawaii trophy in one hand and flashing the hang-loose gesture in the other, Grayson Murray certainly appeared to be someone who is living the dream.
The achievement, the celebration and the joy have been a troubled lifetime in the making, and getting to the other side of the darkness has been a victory that comes with something deeper than a trophy and a seven-figure paycheck.
Only Murray may know how close he came to throwing it all away.
“My story is not finished,” the 30-year-old Murray said after beating Keegan Bradley and Ben An in a playoff to win his second PGA Tour event. “I think it’s just beginning. I hope I can inspire a lot of people going forward that have their own issues.”
If Murray’s words sound similar to Chris Kirk’s from one week earlier, that’s because they are. The winners of the first two tournaments on the 2024 PGA Tour schedule are both recovering alcoholics who occasionally drank together, and both have struggled with depression.
That makes Kirk and Murray similar, but their paths are their own.
Murray was a young star, winning a collection of big-time junior events, good enough to make the cut in a Nationwide Tour (today’s Korn Ferry Tour) event as a 16-year-old from Raleigh, North Carolina. He won on what became known as the Web.com Tour in 2016, and a year later he broke through on the big tour, winning the Barbasol Championship, but his world already was coming unglued.
“Best thing and worst thing that ever happened to me was winning my rookie year but also feeling like I was invincible,” Murray said. “It took me a long time to get to this point. That was seven years ago, over seven years ago. I’m a different man now. I would not be in this position right now today if I didn’t put that drink down eight months ago.”
Though Kirk’s struggles were well hidden, to the point that some close friends were surprised when he went public with his challenges, Murray’s road has been more visible. He complained publicly about the PGA Tour not taking care of players properly and, according to reports, loudly challenged commissioner Jay Monahan last June after the tour’s “framework agreement” with Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund was announced.
That outburst prompted Rory McIlroy to quip “Play better” in response to complaints that the rank-and-file were marginalized, leading to a salty comeback from Murray.
It was enough that Murray probably still has work to do in winning back some fans and peers. That work has been underway since Murray decided to quit drinking last year.
Understanding why he got to where he was became necessary for Murray to begin moving toward where he is now.
In late 2022, Murray crashed his scooter into a truck while at the Butterfield Bermuda Championship, needing 50 stitches to repair the damage done to himself. That didn’t stop the drinking.
“I felt like the guys who came out kind of my year, maybe a year in front of me, I felt like I had pretty much their talent, and they took off and I didn’t,” Murray said. “So, I think the arrogance, I kind of got humbled by that a little bit. But I also was a little, I would say – I’m trying to think of the word for it. I was a little jealous. I was a little jealous of the guys who came out my year or the year before and had all that success, knowing that I was just as good as them.”
Murray would drink during tournaments, sometimes before rounds to dull the effects of a hangover.
He went to rehab two years ago and did well for a time but gradually lapsed back into drinking heavily.
In late 2022, Murray crashed his scooter into a truck while at the Butterfield Bermuda Championship, needing 50 stitches to repair the damage done to himself. That didn’t stop the drinking.
Finally, in Mexico last spring, Murray bottomed out. He missed the cut after too much drinking, went home and dealt with an anxiety attack that lasted days.
“I got tired of trying to fight it alone, and I asked for help one day, and that’s when my life changed,” said Murray, who worked with a fear-management expert to help ease his anxiety.
Murray is engaged to be married in April – the wedding will be at Pinehurst Resort – and he looks and sounds like a different person. A victory on the Korn Ferry Tour last summer reaffirmed his talent. By winning the Sony Open in Hawaii, Murray now finds himself with a two-year exemption and tee times in the signature events this year.
Through his fiancée, Christiana Ritchie, Murray says he’s found comfort in his Christianity and the peace that it has brought to him.
“I think you’ve got to give yourself grace,” Murray said in his post-victory news conference at Waialae Country Club in Honolulu. “We all make mistakes. I don’t think anyone in this room has gone through life without a mistake. You’ve got to let go of the regrets. You’ve got to let go of the people that you have let down. You’ve got to say you’re sorry and move on. It’s on them if they don’t accept the apology.
“But going forward, I just really want to make everyone happy and do the right things.”